Use This Checklist to Start 'the Talk' with Your Parents

When it's time to have "the talk" with your parents, will you be prepared? What do they envision for their future and are they ready? It's not necessarily fun to ask those questions. Parents may be skeptical, and adult children might feel awkward or consider it none of their business.

As our parents age, some conversations aren't easy to start, but they need to happen nevertheless. And our parents really don't mind! While only 18% of adult children are comfortable talking about aging issues, 76% of parents would welcome the discussion (Roper/WellPoint Survey on Life, Health and Aging).

It's Not Important Until It's Urgent

The time is now to start talking since a lack of information can lead to serious complications. If you haven't discussed the future, when it arrives unannounced and you're faced with urgent medical decisions or financial implications, a stressful situation could escalate to chaos. Become prepared to face potential challenges, all while keeping your parents' best interests in mind.

Take Action Tips for Today

Download a copy of this helpful checklist (PDF, 475K) you can use to document all sorts of information – financial or otherwise – about your parents, from current medications and bank accounts to email passwords and burial instructions. Simply knowing the location of this sort of information provides peace of mind for the whole family.

Here are some additional tips:

• Look for chances to casually ask questions on somewhat touchy subjects that your parents can address if they aren't feeling threatened. If you mother mentions a friend moving to an assisted-living apartment, ask her how she feels about a move like that for herself. Or, if your father says he's been at a friend's funeral, ask him if he's thought about his own memorial service.
• Capitalize on the support network your parents have established. Ask about church friends and locate their church's website for future reference. Write down neighbors and friends whose names come up in conversation. Use the checklist (PDF, 475K) to document contact information for doctors, lawyers and financial representatives.
• Talk to your parents about a will, power of attorney and health care directive. You want your parents to make key decisions now because that means you won't have to navigate the legal system later!
• Be aware which medications your parents take. It will be invaluable at that unplanned moment when a doctor needs to know before proceeding with care. Write pertinent information on index cards and keep copies in parents' medicine cabinet, car and wallet.(And keep a copy for yourself!)
• Wonder whether your parents may already need assistance? Read "When the Tables Are Turned" in Thrivent magazine for hints and warning signs.
• About 50 million Americans currently provide some care for an adult family member, according to the National Alliance for Caregiving. It can be overwhelming and isolating. For encouragement, visit caring.com, a site with info on helping both your parent and yourself.

Other Resources

• Attend a free workshop called "Heart to Heart: As Your Parents Age." It offers helpful tips to start healthy conversations that lead to positive outcomes for your family. One recent workshop attendee said, "I am convinced that these are discussions to be had sooner rather than later." Find a workshop in your area.
• If you're looking for ways to save money here or be smarter there, take a look at our free daily tips. There's a new tip every day of the month that applies to your age bracket.

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